This column is part of The Daily's traditional column exchange with The Daily Texan ahead of OU-Texas. This year, instead of writing a column, we decided to write a satirical article. In other words, this isn’t real — this is for your enjoyment and laughter only. You can read The Daily Texan’s column here.
DALLAS, Texas — In honor of Texas being back and a malicious Tiger assault, the university is set to bring back a special meal that hasn’t been served in a century.
The BEVO Special.
If you’re a real Longhorn, you know what we’re talking about. According to Austin’s NPR Station, following the death of the original BEVO in 1919, the Texas faithful ate their beloved cow.
Now, on its 100-year anniversary, the University of Texas at Austin is bringing the delicious meal to the Red River Rivalry, as BEVO XV sustained life-threatening injuries from a Tiger on Saturday, Sept. 7. Sources say the Austin Police Department is looking into a Tiger suspect named “Mike VII” from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
“I’m not happy about it, but I understand,” BEVO was reported to say from the grave.
The hunk of beef will be available for consumption to any and all Texas fans on a first-come, first-served basis the Friday night before the OU-Texas game. The feast will take place underneath the intersection of the I-30 and I-45 bridge in Dallas at 10 p.m. Candles and torches will be provided.
The meat will be butchered and served by none other than head coach Tom Herman. There will be three options on the BEVO menu: the BEVO Burger, the BEVO Brisket and the BEVO Beef Taco. Each will be served with a side of coleslaw and Texas toast, and will cost $39.27. Fans can make it a combo with a drink for an additional $2.89.
Prior to the barbecue, Minister of Culture Matthew McConaughey will bless the meat at 9 p.m. The ceremony will officially begin after Trill Sammy takes the honorary first bite.
Leftovers will be served at the Cotton Bowl the following Saturday at the game.
Again, this is a parody. Eat BEVO at your own risk.
