WASHINGTON — On one of his first days as president, Harry S. Truman, following President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s death, told reporters to pray for him as he felt like the moon, stars and planets had fallen on him.
Truman, who had no college degree, was a successful president who oversaw the transformation of the American economy post World War II, protected the New Deal and expanded social security. He also helped push civil rights forward by desegregating the military, banning discrimination in civil service and publicly supporting civil rights.
Nonetheless, had imposter syndrome been a term in the 1940s and 50s, it’s possible someone would have recognized he was suffering from it.
In one of his memoirs, while writing about the first time he arrived in Washington D.C. as a young congressman, Truman described the feelings unnerving feelings he faced.
“Although I was nearly fifty-one years old at the time, I was as timid as a country boy arriving on the campus of a great university in his first year,” Truman wrote in his first memoir.
The first time I went to Capitol Hill with a looming deadline and an assignment to cover the continuing resolution for government funding, the statement resonated with me. I had visited the Hill before, but it was quiet and Congress was in their home districts. Being there during such a consequential time, when the decisions being made on the floor of the House impacted the entire nation, it felt different, like I was out of place.
Kevin Eagleson in front of the Capitol building in Washington, D.C.
As I wandered the halls of the Capitol, embarrassingly getting lost a few times, I thought back to when I first read Truman’s quote. I felt like a freshman in high school again. How had I ended up in these halls of power?
Naturally, that Wednesday trip to the Hill was a dud. I admittedly accomplished nothing. I got no interviews, no quotes and wrote next to nothing. It was a failure in terms of work but a success in terms of getting my feet wet.
So I went back the next day.
When I went back, the House had voted against H.R. 9494, the continuing resolution with the SAVE Act attached as a policy rider to appease former President Donald Trump and those on the far-right who vowed to vote against a resolution that did not include the rider.
The vote failed largely along party lines, with 14 defectors among the Republicans, 16 if you include the two Representatives who voted ‘present.’
During my second work trip to the Hill, I had two things in my mind. Get something done. And of course, do it right.
As I ate lunch in the Dirksen Senate office building cafeteria, I had a plan in mind. Research, pre-write with the information I had, secure interviews and file a story.
By the time I left the cafeteria to work in the Senate library, I had a few hundred words written. I worked in the quiet, historic library waiting for votes to start so I could catch members of the Oklahoma Congressional delegation roaming outside the House chamber. By the time I left, all I needed was quotes and insight from an extra representative or two.
On the way out of the library, despite the work I had done, one question stuck in my mind: “What the hell am I doing here?”
As I made my way to the Speaker's Lobby just outside the House chamber, I joined a group of reporters by the elevators where representatives appear and rush to the floor past dozens of reporters. While in the presence of other reporters — albeit more experienced and connected — I noticed the ages and multitude of different personalities.
I realized, maybe I wasn’t as out of place as I had thought.
By the end of the day, I had a story filed before I left the Capitol grounds. I had completed my tasks and left with a renewed sense of confidence and belonging.
Imposter syndrome be damned, I find it hard to believe it’s not something the majority of people working on the Hill are faced with. To overcome it is difficult; I’m sure it will linger within me until I’ve established myself and grown a few gray hairs. Nonetheless, it’s a fickle trick our minds play. Take a look at those around you, they’ve faced it at one point or another. If they haven’t, they’re either lying to you or themselves.
If a former American president can experience imposter syndrome, overcome it and succeed, what is stopping the rest of us?
And for what it’s worth, I do not recommend the chicken caesar wrap in the Dirksen cafeteria.
Kevin Eagleson will lead a monthly column for OU Daily during his time in Washington, D.C.
Eagleson is reporting from Gaylord News’ Washington bureau this fall as part of an OU Daily scholarship.
This story was edited by Anusha Fathepure, Ismael Lele and Ana Barboza. Avery Avery copy edited this story.
