Spoiler alert: Do not read if you haven’t yet watched the final episode of “Big Little Lies,” which aired April 2 on HBO.
After seven action-packed episodes, the mystery has been unraveled. The “Big Little Lies” series finale drew over 2.5 million viewers the night it premiered, and it’s safe to say fans were satisfied with the conclusion that Celeste’s physically and emotionally abusive husband Perry was the one to meet his end.
Celeste when Bonnie pushed Perry #BigLittleLies pic.twitter.com/uAdnHNjZE7
— drea (@thelilavocado) April 3, 2017
Me when Perry dies and all the women link up to protect Bonnie #BigLittleLies pic.twitter.com/86cQAWS5EK
— Sade Sellers (@IAMSadeSellers) April 3, 2017
Wow, but I'm sad it's over. I don't know if I've ever been so happy to see a character die, bye Perry. #BigLittleLies
— Nancy (@Nancy_H1122) April 3, 2017
Although the show depicted Bonnie fatally shoving Perry solely to save Celeste’s life, the author of the 2014 “Big Little Lies” book, Liane Moriarty, delved deeper into Bonnie’s actions.
Bonnie knows Celeste and Perry’s son Max was the bully who pushed her daughter Sky down the stairs at school. When Bonnie sees Perry hit Celeste on the night of the murder, she says, “That’s why your son has been hurting little girls. ... Because he’s seen what you do. Your little boy has seen you do that, hasn’t he? Your children see! We see! We f—king see!”
Bonnie then proceeds to push Perry backwards, and he falls over the balcony railing to his death.
Readers later learn that Bonnie herself was the daughter of a domestic abuser, and the other women in the series quickly rally around her and agree to pass off Perry’s death as accidental so Bonnie won’t be indicted.
Nicole Kidman, executive producer for the TV series and actress who played Celeste, has worked with UN Women for over a decade advocating for victims of domestic violence. Since taking on the role of Celeste, Kidman said in an interview with Vogue that women have been approaching her in public wanting to talk about the character.
“They’re upset, they’re disturbed. They say they know people, they know of people that have been through that. They want to understand why; they want to ask what Celeste is thinking, feeling,” Kidman said.
Celeste’s character might seem like an unlikely victim for spousal abuse. From a surface level perspective, Celeste has a perfect life. She’s beautiful, intelligent, a successful lawyer with supportive friends and a pillar in her seemingly upstanding community.
Eli Sullivan, employee at the OU Gender + Equality Center, said it’s important to remember that there is no specific type of woman or person who is more likely to end up in an abusive relationship.
“We sometimes think if someone’s strong and confident like Celeste, why haven’t they said anything? Why haven’t they confided in their friends? She had some great friends. With abusive relationships, it’s all about the control factor and you see that with Perry and Celeste’s relationship,” Sullivan said.
Perry is masterful at disguising his need to control Celeste as care. When she wants to return to work, he claims he’s worried about her stress levels. When she spends time with her friends, he says they don’t truly care about her. When she tells their relationship therapist he gets angry at her, which he justifies by saying it’s because he’s afraid of losing her.
Sandra Horley, CEO of Refuge, a charity seeking to end domestic violence, coined the term "Charm Syndrome Man," which describes abusive men who appear to be perfect and charming from an outsider’s perspective but transform into a controlling abuser in private.
In an interview with Marie Claire, Horley described Perry as a perfect example of what "Charm Syndrome Man" looks like.
“There is a common myth that domestic violence is about a man losing control — 'He just saw red,' people say. On the contrary, it is about gaining and maintaining control. ... In common with so many abusers, Perry manipulates Celeste into forgiving him and even feeling sorry for him,” Horley said.
When Celeste first visits the relationship counselor, she doesn’t ask for help leaving Perry — she asks for tools to aid the abuse. Like so many victims of domestic violence, Celeste is hopeful that with help and guidance Perry will change and the abuse will subside.
Alex Pitchford, psychology sophomore, said watching “Big Little Lies” helped her realize the complexities of an abusive relationship.
“As outsiders, we can obviously see that it’s unhealthy and abusive, but we also see how Perry manipulates Celeste so she isn’t able to see it like we are, which perpetuates the cycle of abuse and manipulation,” Pitchford said.
Sullivan said in most cases the abuser will not discontinue their actions, but he or she will rather repeat them in what the Gender + Equality Center calls “The Cycle of Violence.” In the cycle, there begins a period of seductive calm in which everything is going fine between a couple. This is followed by a stress period, tension building, and finally a crisis or violent episode.
The cycle of violence is evident in Celeste and Perry’s relationship. The longer he goes without harming her, the more hope Celeste has that the abuse may permanently stop.
Horley said it is important not to judge how women respond to abuse. Every relationship is unique and victims have different motives for staying with their abusers. Celeste doesn’t want to tear her family apart. She is, fortunately, able to afford an apartment should she need to leave, but many victims may not have the monetary resources to do the same.
“We should not be asking, 'Why doesn’t a woman just leave?' Instead the question we should be asking is, 'Why do men abuse women?'" Horley said.
Although there are warning signs of what spousal abuse could look like, Sullivan stresses that every case is unique and some victims, like Celeste, may not show any warning signs of abuse to the outside world.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, OU has resources available to help. OU Advocates works on behalf of those experiencing sexual assault, relationship violence, stalking or harassment. It can be reached at its 24-hour hotline at (405) 615-0013.
