Last year, Brandon Files, an assistant professor of military science at OU through the ROTC program and an active service member in the U.S. Army, was deployed to Afghanistan for a year.

OU volleyball assistant coach Kelly Files watched as her husband headed out Aug. 11, 2010, for his second overseas deployment during their marriage. She wouldn’t see him for 370 days.

When men go to war

While Brandon was in Afghanistan, he was in charge of an airfield in the southwest province of Farah.

“That involved day-to-day airfield operations, which included approving aircraft to come into the air space, running the air traffic control tower, as well as working with the local nation and government,” Brandon said.

Brandon even enabled a commercial airliner to come in to the airfield on a weekly basis in order to promote local commerce and travel.

“It was supposed to bring in commercial trade for the local community and give them an opportunity for public transportation,” he said.

Brandon also was deployed to Iraq from September 2008 to June 2009, and he said this deployment to Afghanistan was different in many ways.

“My deployment to Iraq, we were extremely busy,” Brandon recalled. “We flew almost every night, so time flew by, and I didn’t have time to focus on what I was missing. This deployment, I just tried to focus on my job a little bit more.”

All quiet at home

Meanwhile at home, Kelly worried what would happen once the volleyball season was over. The busyness and bustle of the volleyball season kept her mind occupied, but she was worried what she’d do when it ended.

“We finished our season in December, so we had the holidays, so it was really January (before things slowed down),” Kelly said. “But he had two weeks (vacation), so we went to Tahiti at the end of January and beginning of February.”

Instead, it was the summer before the weight of missing her best friend really fell on her shoulders.

“The hardest parts were the summer because it was so close yet it was so far away, and when the kids aren’t here and we’re not practicing, it’s just like,” Kelly said as her voice trailed away. “Once the summer rolled around, I was like, ‘I’ve had enough. I’m ready for him to be home.’”

Kelly said she and Brandon worked hard to communicate in the same way they would if they were together.

They watched the same TV shows and read the same books so they could have common things to discuss.

But most of all, they wanted to know how they were changing as individuals.

“Over time, you change as a person, and if we were both here, we’d be changing together. Stuff with our lives would be the same where we’d talk about it,” she said.

Reunited at last

Since Brandon returned home on Aug. 16, the couple has been working to come back together and continue to build their marriage.

Things have been easier than expected for them because of the hard work they put in to communicate well during their time apart.

“[Brandon] initiated most of the conversation whenever he had time,” Kelly said. “He did a great job doing that, so I really appreciate that. I really felt that when we did see each other, it wasn’t like we had to reconnect.”

An unforeseen obstacle the Files have had to overcome is that Brandon came home knowing he would no longer have a job at OU because of downsizing by the new military contractor in charge of the program.

As of Sunday, he was officially off active duty and back to the role of a part-time member of the Oklahoma National Guard.

“We knew a few months ago that it might happen, and we just found out recently it was for sure going to happen,” Brandon said. “Since I’ve been back, I’ve been assisting with the volleyball team in a few different roles.”

Kelly said her only readjustment struggle is allowing Brandon to reclaim some of the household chores because she has become accustomed to doing everything on her own. It’s something she said she’s been better at after this deployment.

“When he comes home, he’s trying to help, and I’m like, ‘I’ve got it,’ not wanting him to do anything,” Files said. “Then if he does do anything, he’s not doing it the way I did it, so kind of stuff like that.”

Through all of the trials and separation, the couple has grown stronger in their commitment to each other. Brandon said married people have to develop skills to persevere through tough times or the marriage will fail.

“We’ve become better and better communicators,” Brandon said. “We’ve become better at sharing responsibilities and valuing each others’ roles.”

Mundane times are something Kelly said they don’t have to worry about. The value placed on time together is huge for her and Brandon.

“We don’t usually get stuck in the everyday, ‘just go to work, come home, same old’ cycle,” Kelly said. “We value our time together.”