America’s popular music industry is a vapid, soul-crushing hellscape, and no aspect of our culture bears witness to this sad state of affairs better than the “Now That’s What I Call Music!” franchise.
Each installment in the “Now” franchise, which has been assaulting good sonic taste in America since 1998, is a thinly-veiled cash grab intended to compile all the hottest, most over-exposed hits in popular music onto one album.
The “Now” series has made streamlined popular music consumption an art form, and with terrific, horrifying success. Twenty-nine releases in the series have been certified platinum, with 15 installments occupying the Billboard 200 album chart for at least one week.
Today marks the release of “Now That’s What I Call Music! 40,” and I saw the occasion as an opportunity to reconnect with my generation by placing my finger directly on the pulse of popular music for the first time in years.
If nothing else, I thought by reviewing “Now 40,” perhaps I’d finally learn the song titles and artists associated with the thumping club beats I hear echoing onto the street as I walk past Logan’s and Seven47 every weekend on Campus Corner.
In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t often listen to the radio. In the age of Pandora and in-car iPod docks, I largely subsist day-to-day on a steady diet of jazz, jam, funk and soul music with a healthy smattering of nerdy podcasts added in for good measure.
For this reason, I had only heard one song on the album before undertaking this review, and I was largely oblivious to the artists whose work was featured therein.
So oblivious, in fact, that I was recently mocked by my newsroom colleagues for believing Lady Antebellum was a solo female artist.
Heading into this review I was naively optimistic about the quality of music I hoped would be featured.
After listening to each of the 20 formulaic, repetitive songs featured, however, I look forward to returning to my self-imposed musical exile posthaste.
My biggest complaint with “Now 40” lies with the compilation’s musicianship, or lack thereof. Only four songs feature a human being playing a drum kit, and only four songs on the compilation use an actual guitar.
Relentless, computer-generated beats and tones are the norm in “Now 40,” and when you take into account the songs’ lyrics, with good reason. Nearly half of the songs on the compilation deal with drinking, partying, dancing or graphic promiscuity, and nearly all of the songs feature catchy, up-tempo beats to match.
Don’t get me wrong, dear reader — I can enjoy a song about sex and booze as much as the next guy; I simply never go near trendy dance clubs, and my musical tastes have developed accordingly.
The songs in “Now 40” deal with many of the same tried and true pop themes that have sold for years, including the joys of love, the agony of heartbreak, the wonders of sex and the longing to find one’s place in the world, with a terrible Nickelback song thrown in for good measure.
In the end, if the music on “Now 40” makes you happy, more power to you. I believe there are few things more subjective in all of human experience than our individual tastes in music, so if “Mr. Saxobeat” by Alexandra Stan puts a smile on your face, I can’t fault you.
However, if you’re truly seeking aural pleasure, dear reader — and aren’t we all? — there are better options out there. There is more to music than infectious, meaningless pop hooks and thumping, computer-generated beats.
My recommendation for pop-music detox lies in the work of artists who have devoted thousands of hours to practicing real instruments or developing a distinct vocal style to push the boundaries of their chosen profession.
Listen to Sam Cooke and Pink Floyd. Listen to Frank Zappa and Django Reinhardt. Listen to Phish, Stevie Wonder, John Coltrane, The Grateful Dead or any number of artists who have played real instruments or sung within the constraints of their actual voices.
Now that’s what I call music, but then again, what do I know?
AT A GLANCE
The top 5 ‘Now 40’ moments
1 A Maroon 5 song featuring Christina Aguilera and a Britney Spears song are the first two tracks on the album. Let’s party like it’s 2004, everybody!
2 “In the Dark” by Dev actually contains the lines, “When you work on me, open my body up and do some surgery.” Gross.
3 “It Girl” by Jason Derulo is the fifth song on the album to feature a whistling melody. Songs feature whistling more than guitar, and that’s sad.
4 Nickelback continues to be terrible, but at least it’s consistent.
5 “Skyscraper” by Demi Lovato may be the most melodramatic song ever recorded.
Chris Miller is a journalism senior
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braceyourself 6 months, 2 weeks ago
What an irrelevant, whiny article. If you don't like certain music, then don't listen to it. Don't take time out of your day, though, for the sole purpose of bashing other people's musical tastes.