College brings transitions. Students get a bittersweet taste of independence, maybe for the first time. How do parents cope with the loss of dirty dishes, loud noises and strange smells? Some parents joke about the day a child’s bedroom can be turned into a dad’s man-cave or a mom’s sewing room, but many parents experience anxiety when their child leaves. Parents fear their son or daughter may only call for money or with bad news. Students worry that a parent will never stop calling. So parents, this one’s for you.

One of the best tips to keep in mind is that the college experience is unique for each individual.

Marc Mandell, president of Sooner Parents, emphasizes the importance of perspective when speaking to OU parents.

“Parents should remember that it is going to be a new experience for everyone,” he says.

College is a time for students to grow into the person he or she chooses. Jeff Bloomgarden, director of the OU Scholars Program, says parents should give their child room to discover life for him or herself.

“Going to college in our culture is the beginning of establishing a separate identity,” he says. Bloomgarden says a student should use college years to enjoy their freedom before the responsibilities of a job, graduate school or a family demand attention.

Mandell’s daughter, advertising senior Michelle, says her father did a great job of resisting the urge to call her too much.

“My roommates parents called every five seconds,” she says.

She appreciated her father’s choice to text her to make sure she was ok. She says she enjoyed the freedom of knowing she could call her dad if she needed to but that she did not have to check in with him at all times. Mandell’s willingness to allow his daughter the experience of college independence encouraged her to keep him involved in her life.

The need for space to breathe is a common theme among OU students.

“Let the kid do his or her own thing,” physics senior Jacob Lambert says,

Psychology junior Liz Tomichen echoed Lambert’s desire for parents to ease up but says she understand the importance of some parental involvement.

“Give them space and let them learn to do things on their own, but let them know you’re there if they need anything,” she says.

Another tip to remember is to use caution when setting expectations about academic achievement.

“Lighten up,” Bloomgarden says to parents about setting goals for a student. He says parents worry about a student choosing the right major when entering college but pointed out most students change majors. He says some students feel so much pressure to pick a major they’ve already changed majors a couple of times before beginning the first day of class. Bloomgarden advises parents and students to be patient with the major-selection process. Keeping a healthy perspective about college is hard but letting students explore is one of the best ways a parent can help a student.

Top Ten Tips

1. Be free!: Allow your student to experience independence.

2. Beware of Packing: Sooner Parent Susan Chandler says to pack half of the clothes students want to take to school. Those wardrobes are small.

3. Student = poor: Chandley says parents should send extra money.

4. Lighten Up: Let your student explore while you explore how to spend free moments. Pursue hobbies or just relax with a movie.

5. Parents Weekend: Visit during this time when every student will be busy with their parent.

6. Text: Texting is a great way to communicate with college students. Do not worry if a student doesn’t immediately reply.

7. We all love mail: Sending a care package is a great way to show love. Include favorite, dorm-friendly foods like Easy Mac and Ramen or some type of entertainment (try an iTunes gift card or coloring book). Extra cash is always welcome.

8. Rearrange: Parents should enjoy newfound space like students.

9. Sooner Parents: A great way to stay involved with campus life.

10. Chill out: High expectations lead to too much pressure.