All the war-like imagery used in our political debates rips the out the heart of citizens’ ability to think clearly about the issues, and incites others to violence.
So, let us wage war on those destructive metaphors, throw out all the words that excite our passions for blood and incinerate all phrases that encourage hate. The marketplace of ideas is filled, not with noble ideas, but with guns, grenades, flamethrowers, howitzers and every kind of weapon for crushing your enemies, rather than understanding them.
We must demolish this market and build a new one, a deeply fortified one, which will repel every invasion of the rhetorical arms-dealers.
Some will argue the real problem is education; we no longer produce citizens with the mental training to extinguish the flames of hate upon their ears. They say we must teach our students to think for themselves, so they can battle their way past the raging sound bites into the reason’s safe territory.
But, this way is a waste of ammunition. Students who know more about philosophy and politics will know less about math and science; as a result, this plan will lead to an American defeat in the global economy. And these days we must also spend time teaching them to use computers effectively; they will never learn on their own how to use something so complicated and ever changing.
So instead of losing time by arming our children while our enemies outflank us, we must drive it away, castrating our discourse of every word that provokes violent thoughts. As the private sector has proven itself unwilling to regulate itself, we must enlist the government to conquer our campaigns, and run a tank over the heads of our enemies. Perhaps we could call it the Political Protection Agency, to highlight its fight to defend positions that are the victims of aggressive rhetoric, and to prevent the use of toxic weapons during campaigns. Or add one more letter to the BATFE, to make the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Explosives and Rhetoric.
Certainly the first offensive is to bombard political campaigns; this term makes us think of military campaigns, poisoning our thoughts with the ideas of war. Thus, subconsciously hurling us towards more violence. After that, we must massacre analogies like “victory” and “battleground.” While these may seem neutral, once everyone sees an election not as a fight, but as a cooperative endeavor towards better laws and representatives, the more vicious and dangerous words will be disemboweled.
For a vision of politics without war, consider the recent UOSA elections. The efforts of the candidates had no trace of anger or violence on them; everything was peaceful and positive, and the horses that draw the chariots of hate had been hamstrung. Because of this, everyone was focused on issues, while many were so tolerant and accommodating of the opposing view that they didn’t vote for their own; they were willing to give others a chance instead of brutalizing them as enemies.
If we could bleed rhetoric of her wrath and wage genocide against all those martial metaphors, even our presidential election years would be just as calm and constructive as a quiet day walking among the signs of UOSA candidates.
— Gerard Keiser, linguistics and classical languages junior
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sniferriple 1 year, 1 month ago
...well played, sir.
Chirpit 1 year, 1 month ago
Without violent language, a great deal of our generation simply won't listen, for the same reason students sleep, text, and facebook in class. They will be bored because their goal is not to gain knowledge but to get through the class and move on to something more entertaining.
Americans no longer want to put forth the effort it takes to be a knowledgeable member of society. All "we" want to do is sit and watch TV or play video games. Violence is what catches our attention and even that will begin to fail.
kdbp1213 1 year, 1 month ago
i became bored while reading keiser's column.wonder what's going on with amer idol, dancing with the stars, charlie sheen, lindsay lohan, and chris brown????
sarcasm
great column, mr. kaiser.........
Chirpit 1 year, 1 month ago
kdbp1213, thanks for the giggle!