This column is not directed (or dedicated) to any freshman comp class in particular, honestly.
It is true that nothing predicts an axe to the face in American cinema better than premarital sex. VH1’s documentary “I Love the 80s” reported that 89.3 percent of cheesy horror victims are killed while basking in the glow of non-nuptial coitus. Horror movies encode moral lessons through the suffering of immoral people. Here are some other valuable life lessons found in B-movies:
We’re reminded that outer ugliness is really just a reflection of inner ugliness in “Hellraiser.”
“Nightmare on Elm Street” teaches us that having dreams is wrong.
“One Missed Call” and “When a Stranger Calls” present an ethical dilemma to 21st century youth: cell phones are deadly.
The Pew Research Center reports that “the typical American teen sends 50 texts a day” (npr.org) from these life-threatening communication devices. If horror movies contain moral arguments, do we then believe that every iPhone owner is at risk of rusty disembowelment? Assessing the potential dangers of unsafe text among American teens has caused much speculation.
NPR asks if excessive texting stunts social development, and Oprah Winfrey condemned how cell phone distractions were responsible for 6,000 automobile deaths last year. Other theories link texting to a heightened risk of thumb-cramping arthritis, better known as “Pacman Syndrome,” or that it spreads impotence like sexual repression in deer mice.
All of this is highly speculative (although, “Text Message Breakup” is an early lament of cell phones impeding maturity) and well outside my nanoacre of expertise. Hell, when I was a kid, a PEW was the resting position during Catholic calisthenics. What I can speculate about is the effect of texting during class.
OU students, let me “axe” you something. Is digital note-passing during a class period worth the distraction? Are lectures so boring that only thumb twitching can prevent falling asleep? Are ideas recorded in 250-or-fewer characters so fleeting that they will vanish if not immediately expressed?
If college students demand the privileges becoming adulthood then they should endure the responsibilities as well, like sitting still and paying attention. Decrying a professor’s monotone voice as justification for digital escapism is something akin to asking for medicine to be crushed up and mixed in with PB&J. Both excuses are credible from the mouths of toddlers struggling to tie shoelace knots. It sounds awkward emerging from the same voices who petition for cheap and easy access to contraceptives.
There is an appropriate time and place for all things, texting being no exception. Don’t text while operating a motor vehicle, enduring a 50- to 90-minute lecture, having dinner with your prom date (and for the entire duration) or anywhere there is a risk of nasally injecting a meathook.
You may be lucky and not suffer the common horror-flick allergy of a dull deer antler to the neck if you let your voicemail take the call. You may be fortunate enough to hit “send” on a text without repainting your windshield and hood with the blood and brains and collapsed lungs of your neighbor’s child. Hell, you’ll probably still find out “what’s up” during the next boring lecture without punishment.
Even if you are this blessed, unsafe text is still a demonstration of what you value more than your safety or education.
The Oklahoma Daily is pleased to provide you the opportunity to share your thoughts about this article. We encourage lively debate on the issues of the day, but we ask you refrain from using profanity or other offensive speech, engaging in personal attacks or name-calling, posting advertising, or straying from the topic at hand. To comment, you must be a registered user of OUDaily.com. Thanks for taking the time to offer your thoughts.
You must be logged in to leave a comment. Log in | Register
kdbp1213 2 years ago
put the phone down and drive, you effing morons !!!!!!!!!