“To carefully observe, think freely, rediscover forgotten facts and oppose theoretical dogmatic assumptions. To help establish the United States ... of the world on this flat earth. Replace the science religion ... with SANITY.”

This is the creed of the Flat Earth Society, an international organization whose entire ideology revolves around the idea that the Earth is, well, flat. They believe we live on a circular disk, that the North Pole is the magnetic center and that we are walled in by Antarctic ice.

Don’t laugh; this theory actually exists. Sure, it’s silly, even downright stupid. How can anyone, in this day and age, deny that the earth is round?

But maybe they have a point.

Before you write me off as an idiot, let me finish. I’m not saying they’re right, at least not about the specifics. All I’m saying is maybe they’re on to something.

What I’m trying to say is sometimes ignoring the truth might be our best option. It may sound silly, but if you really think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Just think how much easier your life would be if you didn’t have to accept the validity of fact.

Have you ever wished things weren’t the way they were, that bad things didn’t happen, that the stories in the news weren’t so depressing? The brutal truth is just that: brutal. So just ignore it! Make something up for yourself. Sometimes it’s easier to turn a blind eye than to accept the reality of things. After all, the reality we create for ourselves is easier to swallow.

Let’s face it. Here at OU, in our safe little college bubble, there’s nothing we could do about it if we wanted to. We have to worry about exams and homework and doing our laundry and getting ready for the weekend. We have our own problems to worry about. We don’t have time to worry about the problems of others.

There’s just too much going on around us to make sense of it all. Human trafficking, the war in Darfur, conflict in the Middle East, the one billion children who go to bed hungry every night, the earthquake in Haiti — These problems don’t concern us. We’re not hungry. We’re not oppressed. There is no humanitarian crisis in the great state of Oklahoma. As far as we’re concerned, these problems don’t exist. So why worry about them?

Wouldn’t we all be happier if instead of looking at facts and truth we just believed whatever we wanted? Surely any world we create for ourselves is better than reality.

Wouldn’t you rather there not be any crises, any earthquakes, any conflict or poverty? Don’t you hate that guy on TV who is constantly asking you to sponsor a child? Man, that’s annoying. So let’s just stop listening and tune out.

The only thing the truth is good for is stressing us out and making us cry. Why worry about it when you can just ignore it? Yes, knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss.

I can assure you the good folks in the Flat Earth Society aren’t worried about these problems. They probably don’t even know they exist and look how much simpler their lives are. These people have it right.

They choose to ignore the brutal, painful truth and they sleep better at night as a result. These people should be our model for our own piece of mind, lest we succumb to the stress of actually caring about our fellow human beings.

So fuck it, the Earth is flat. Things are going great. Pain, poverty, violence, inequity and human suffering don’t exist. The Haitians don’t need any help. I can smoke all I want. The Jets don’t suck. Horizontal stripes are slimming.

Wow. I’m feeling better already.