“When do you get intimate?”
This question formed the headline of an article in this month’s issue of Sower magazine.
The article was subtitled “Sower takes a look into when OU students feel the time is right,” and it focused on the results of a poll in which students answered questions about how many dates they typically wait before having sex.
According to the article, the most frequent answers (16 percent each) were “the third date” and “screw dating, I just hook up!” Thirteen percent of students alleged that one should wait to have sex until marriage.
The article did not report where the other 55 percent of polled students stand on the question.
The article ended with this statement: “… there is no correct answer to the question. How many dates to wait really just depends on when you feel ready to begin having sex.”
I was very interested to find out what my fellow students think about the question of waiting, but the subjective analysis that wrapped up those thoughts dismayed me. And I was also dismayed at one freshman who was quoted as saying, “If a girl is hot, then I’ll be happy to have sex with her with no commitments.”
I find myself clashing with these thoughts based on the foundations of logic and my Christian world view.
What prevents there from being a correct answer to the question? This moral relativism is espoused, but not supported in the article. In fact, in the very next statement a standard is given: It “depends on when you feel ready to begin having sex.”
But I thought there was no correct answer.
Furthermore, even if those closing remarks only appear to be contradictory, I still do not understand why knowing how long to wait depends on when one “feels ready.”
We wouldn’t justify other moral decisions based on our feelings. For example, it would be absurd to say “the question of when it’s okay to lie to someone really just depends on when you feel ready.”
Although I take issue with the article, I do find it interesting that there seems to be an unstated acknowledgement that it is important to ask these sorts of questions about sex. Intercourse is viewed as something unique, something desirable.
I find similar attitudes present in my own world view, except that Christianity provides a warrant for why it is important to have discussions like this as well as providing depth to the uniqueness and potential goodness of sex.
The Bible teaches that sex is part of a creation that God termed “good.” It is part of an original commission to “multiply.” The Song of Songs depicts in detail the sweet sensuality of intercourse between a man and his beloved wife.
The book of Proverbs encourages young men to “rejoice in the wife of your youth.” In the New Testament, marriage (which includes the sexual dimension) is viewed as a picture of Christ’s relationship to the Church.
Paul says in First Corinthians that a husband and wife have rights over each other’s bodies and encourages them not to “deprive themselves” of each other for an extended period of time.
The Bible does not affirm sexual promiscuity (though it speaks a lot about healing for those who live that lifestyle). Instead, it encourages people to delight in sex within the context of marriage.
To some (roughly 87 percent of students surveyed), these restrictions seem unnecessary. We may claim that defying these standards really doesn’t hurt anyone if you do it in a mature way.
But what gives us confidence that people would not be better off waiting?
Andrea Unrau, a classics senior, was quoted in the article as saying that it is important to wait until marriage because of the Biblical mandate.
It’s pragmatic. “A great way to know if you have a great guy,” she said, is to see if he will wait until marriage. If a potential mate can wait during a dating period, it may be easier to trust them as a person of fidelity once the rings are on.
C.S. Lewis likened sex without the commitment of marriage to chewing food without swallowing.
I am glad that Sower magazine presents the varying views of OU students on the subject of sex, but I think the relativistic approach advocated in the article slights students.
Such an approach discourages them from looking for absolute answers that, if true, form the basis for building rewarding relationships.
Editor’s Note
Full disclosure: Sower magazine and The Oklahoma Daily are both part of Student Media, a division of Student Affairs.
The Oklahoma Daily is pleased to provide you the opportunity to share your thoughts about this article. We encourage lively debate on the issues of the day, but we ask you refrain from using profanity or other offensive speech, engaging in personal attacks or name-calling, posting advertising, or straying from the topic at hand. To comment, you must be a registered user of OUDaily.com. Thanks for taking the time to offer your thoughts.
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dio 2 years, 7 months ago
Would that rant from Trevor mean that you have to be a christian in order to have sex?
JJanowiak 2 years, 7 months ago
Dude, it's not cool to just utterly plagiarize Jack Chick's "God Smites Fornicators and Homersexuals" tract for your column.
BrianCBiggs 2 years, 7 months ago
@ dio
My "dio, no" was in response to "Would that rant from Trevor mean that you have to be a christian in order to have sex?"
I submitted that before your next comment was moderated.
So, non-Christians write encyclopedias with non-Christian ethics in mind... what is that supposed to prove? And yes, non-Christians have an obligation to acknowledge and obey the Lordship of Christ. Now, they are by definition not meeting that obligation, but that is no proof it doesn't exist.
As to your question: any sin merits an eternity in hell.
mythman 2 years, 7 months ago
Morality is a question of fairness or harm, and prohibiting sex before marriage is a means to that end. Best not confuse the two.
dio 2 years, 7 months ago
@BrianCBiggs
"And yes, non-Christians have an obligation to acknowledge and obey the Lordship of Christ."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And you, Sir, have the obligation to acknowledge and obey Yog-Sothoth, the Beyond One, and sacrifice your first newborn to it.
"Any sin merits an eternity in hell."
It does not sound good for you indeed.
BrianCBiggs 2 years, 7 months ago
dio, no.
BrianCBiggs 2 years, 7 months ago
JJanowiak, dude, Trevor's column is nothing like anything Jack Chick has written. Trevor didn't include cartoons misrepresenting and patronizing his opposition.
Mythman: "Morality is a question of fairness or harm"
Morality is a question of the good or evil of an action determined by the goal, motive, and standard; the correct motive being ultimately to glorify God, and the standard being God's goodness, specifically as expressed through God's law. Ultimately ethics is a matter of the lordship of Christ.
Now, I have not argued for my system of ethics, I have only stated it: best not confuse the two. Now, this is fine; however, I doubt you were convinced by my assertion... I doubt you have relinquished your position in favor of mine. Now we could argue back and forth about ethics here in this comment section - I'm up for that if you want. However, my point is that you only made an assertion and you seem to expect Trevor (who holds to a different system of ethics than you) to realize he is in error based on a distinction given in your assertion. I don't see why he would.
caitlynlacy 2 years, 7 months ago
So the Bible doesn't acknowledge marital rape? Awesome.
dio 2 years, 7 months ago
@BrianCBiggs
"Morality is a question of the good or evil of an action determined by the goal, motive, and standard; (...)"
That is correct.
"(...) the correct motive being ultimately to glorify God (...)" + god rant:
That is incorrect. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethics where the word "god" does not appear once in this fairly long entry. See other encyclopedias if you are not convinced.
dio 2 years, 7 months ago
@BrianCBiggs
"dio, no."
Ha, okay, good. I feel better now. He should have written a warning for the readers. Something like: "Does not apply to non-christians".
Stupid question: how many years of vicious and merciless torture in the christian hell do you get for breaching mating protocols?
mcochran 2 years, 6 months ago
I thought this was a really intelligent and well-written article. Thanks to Trevor for sharing your opinions on a very important issue.
TheAntiTrevorClark 2 years, 4 months ago
My username should indicate my opinion on this article.