Editor’s note: Lauren’s name has been changed to protect her and her family’s safety.

Sheltered and happy — that’s how Lauren would have described her family until a few years ago. But much of that quickly changed when her family faced the all-too-common realities of sexual assault and domestic violence.

The OU sophomore’s parents had divorced when she was 6, but her family didn’t experience its most electrifying shock until about five years ago when they learned of news no family wants to discover — that her then-5-year-old brother reported his then-12-year-old stepbrother was sexually abusing him.

“The thing with domestic violence, sexual abuse especially, is it usually is like a chain,” Lauren said. “And we found out later that the 12-year-old had been abused by an older man, and it continued.”

Lauren said her mother divorced her stepdad shortly afterward, and her brother and the rest of her family recovered well. But she had to deal with her own feelings of guilt and blame.

“I was always there baby-sitting all of them when my parents weren’t there,” Lauren said. I completely overlooked it so many times, and didn’t realize what was going on behind that door. That really ate at my conscience for a while. I have to realize it wasn’t my fault.”

But that wasn’t the last incident of domestic abuse in Lauren’s family.

Lauren’s mom remarried in August 2008, but during the first several months of their marriage, her husband physically, verbally and emotionally abused her. Remarkably, though, it did not break up their marriage.

“I think she was really determined to make it work,” Lauren said. “She went through a lot of struggle in her own mind, like, is it right to stay married and deal with this, or is it right to get a divorce and be free from the abuse? She honestly didn’t know what God wanted her to do.”

Lauren said her mom and stepdad went to intense marriage counseling, after which the abuse stopped.

Lauren’s family isn’t alone, though. The statistics show that one in every three women is abused or battered by a partner or stalker — and a woman is beaten every 26 seconds in the U.S., said JoAnn Smith, executive director of the Women’s Resource Center in Norman.

And unlike Lauren’s family, the abuse doesn’t always stop. Smith said it is often difficult for women to leave abusive relationships because the violence tends to start little by little, so although it may escalate, it isn’t as shocking anymore.

“By the time that it’s escalated from the time she needs to get away, he’s managed to isolate her from all of her friends and her family members, and he’s pretty much got her where he wants her,” Smith said.

Smith said domestic violence is most common among young women with young children, but college women are susceptible too, especially in terms of dating violence.

Smith said it is much easier for a young woman to get out of an abusive relationship before she gets in too deep. She said it is often a matter of just paying attention to the first signs.

“As girls and young women, we’re supposed to be polite; we’re supposed to be nice,” Smith said. “It doesn’t occur to us that when somebody says something really horrible, is that we have the right to say, ‘What did you just say?’ We aren’t quite as outraged as we need to be when we’re treated that way.”

Kathy Moxley, coordinator of the OU Women’s Outreach Center, said domestic violence very much limits the lives of those who experience it.

She said the center helps raise violence awareness through its February “Red Flag Campaign,” in which it places red flags throughout the South Oval as a symbol to encourage people to look for red flags that could lead to dating violence in their own relationships.

“I think there’s lots of things we need to do to raise awareness … Training for law enforcement to know what to look for and to be able to provide the resources that are out there,” Moxley said. “Education certainly is a big part of it … so they know what healthy relationships are and the dangers of violent relationships.”

Lauren said although there’s a notion that families who experience domestic abuse [are] hurting and can’t be normal, this is not the case for her family — and that families can come out of these situations OK.

“Everything seems to be going up from here,” Lauren said. “God has been good. From an insider’s view of my family, I see so much love. We’re a really close-knit family.”

If you or someone you know ever feels endangered, contact the Women’s Resource Center of Norman’s crisis lines. Callers receive confidential crisis intervention, referrals and information about domestic violence and sexual assault at any hour of the day or night.

Domestic abuse crisis line: 701-5540

Sexual assault crisis line: 701-5660