I couldn’t decide what to write about this week, so I decided to ask some of my friends. I received lots of unique suggestions, but one friend adamantly insisted that I tell the world her story.
Apparently, someone at the Civic Center lied to her about something or someone. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that, but it did get me thinking about honesty.
Most of us will let just about anything come out of our mouth without thinking and lying is no exception. I started keeping track of how often I told lies and I was very surprised. I have always thought myself to be an honest individual. I just tell little white lies every once in a while to be polite.
But as the week wore on, I realized that this is not the case. I lied about the dumbest and most important things – how I was feeling, if I was hungry, if I minded if someone smoked. On their own, these lies didn’t seem important, but when I stepped back and looked at the big picture, I realized how dishonest I was being.
This week, I challenge you to do the same thing.
For one week, make a mental note every time you tell a lie, no matter how unimportant the lie seems. I suspect that you will be very surprised come next week.
So, we all lie to some extent, but why? To be sure, sometimes we lie to protect others. We would never tell our significant other that their facial hair looks absolutely hideous, nor would we admit that yes, in fact, that dress does make you look fat. I don’t know if you can call these sorts of white lies “right,” but certainly, our society has grown to accept them.
Other lies, however, are done to protect ourselves: our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions. You see, honesty is more than just not telling lies, it’s also about disclosing the unadulterated truth. We have a tendency to obscure facts or simply speak vaguely in order to avoid showing people what’s really inside of us. There are things we like to do, things we don’t like to do, and things we can’t live without that we refuse to tell our friends about.
We wrap ourselves in the fear that if our friends found out who we really were, they wouldn’t like us anymore, or perhaps they would think differently of us. But this disguising of the truth harms us more than we think. If we spend our whole lives trying to hide the fact that we actually love to play “Dungeons and Dragons,” we are robbing ourselves of meaningful relationships built on honesty and trust. It may be painful to admit these hidden truths about ourselves, but it is ultimately for the better.
I met one of my first college friends on the first day of college and he seemed like a cool, popular, easy-going ladies’ man. These things aren’t entirely untrue, but I later found out that in addition to his cool demeanor, behind close doors, he is a complete Star Wars nut, and I don’t think lesser of him for that. In fact, I admire his honesty to the world—it takes a lot of guts to admit that side of you.
The point is this: we all have secrets—little lies we tell ourselves and our friends every day—but while those secrets seem to be protecting us from the harshness of reality, they are actually devaluing our relationships and preventing us from friendships built on trust and honesty.
It sounds cliché, but you’ve got to be true to yourself, and that means being true to others as well. My second challenge for you this week is to disclose one of your “little secrets” to a friend. It doesn’t have to be anything ground breaking, just something you have kept from them because you were afraid of damaging that friendship. I think you’ll find that removing that burden of secrecy will make that bond between you and your friend even deeper.
Here, I’ll even go first: I love the J. Geils Band. Their music is upbeat, cheesy and 100 percent 80s, but I love it.
See, that wasn’t so bad.
-Joshua Wesneski is a College of Education junior.
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majid 2 years, 11 months ago
I like to know what is a difference between "sweet little white lie" and "conscious consideration and respect"??