This is the account of a lesson on choices and humility. If you feel you do not need to read, then don’t.
A friend called and asked if I would take her to Wal-Mart because she has no car. Suffering from delusional paranoia, she trusts few people and is very close to homelessness.
I pick her up at a temporary shelter. When she gets in my car, the reek of cigarette smoke swirls with the heat shooting out my car vents.
“I just can’t believe I forgot my teeth,” she chuckles and hacks simultaneously.
“I don’t want ya to think I’m using ya,” she said.
She’s excited to be out, but cautious of everyone. She smooths her frizzy hair in my flip down mirror.
“Sorry I look so bad. I’m sure you’re embarrassed,” she said She pokes at her toothless gums.
“I’m not,” I tell her.
At Wal-Mart, she zips through the lanes with her head low. She buys yogurt, dish soap and Carnival cigarettes with food stamps. She apologizes again for her appearance.
My phone rings in the checkout line, but I stick my hand in my pocket and turn it on silent.
We get to her apartment she couldn’t afford anymore. She jiggles the door, but the locks have been changed. Her things confiscated. She doesn’t appear sad.
“Do you mind if I smoke outside your car before we go home,” she asks.
I start the car and watch her as she takes long, hard drags between her gums.
Back in the car, she pulls out a worn out wallet.
“Do you want to see my son?”
A dozen pictures of her teenage boy flop out in the zigzag business card slots. He is safe where he is, she says, but won’t tell me anything else.
I didn’t ask any more, because I don’t want her to think I am against her, like the hospital techs, her family and old church.
I take her back to her temporary room. I don’t go inside because I don’t want my coat smelling bad.
For a few weeks, I don’t speak with her. She calls, but I do not answer my phone. I tell myself I am too busy, but in actuality, I am being selfish.
So, I visited her this week. This time, in a smoky motel room, she chirped like a little girl on Christmas morning about the two-cup coffee machine and microwave.
She’s spent her last bit of cash on a week’s stay at a run-down motel. She’s hiding again.
She sucked hard on a cigarette and snuggled in the bed. “You’re the only person I can trust right now,” she said to me, her clear blue eyes wide enough to swim in.
“Can’t get used to this comfort, because I bet in a few days I’m sleeping on the street!” She chuckles and hacks.
We talk about options. I can do nothing to convince her that no one has tapped her phone or sent spies after her.
I can only listen, nod my head and pray my eyes appear sympathetic, not bewildered.
“Sorry I don’t have my teeth in,” she said. “Broke one last night.”
She lights a cigarette.
I want her to quit smoking, and briefly consider asking why she doesn’t. But I catch myself. Why would she? I mentally switch our roles. If all else failed me, would I not clutch onto my one gratification with a death grip?
She turns the pack over like a delicate treasure box in her chubby, yellowed hands. “I don’t need to go to the store or anything. You can go.”
I am late for work. I wonder if my sweater smells smoky. I squeeze her hand and leave.
-Lindsey Allgood is a professional writing senior.
The Oklahoma Daily is pleased to provide you the opportunity to share your thoughts about this article. We encourage lively debate on the issues of the day, but we ask you refrain from using profanity or other offensive speech, engaging in personal attacks or name-calling, posting advertising, or straying from the topic at hand. To comment, you must be a registered user of OUDaily.com. Thanks for taking the time to offer your thoughts.
You must be logged in to leave a comment. Log in | Register
JJanowiak 3 years, 3 months ago
"If you feel you do not need to read, then don’t."
That's about the best argument for not publishing something there is.
jfreezy 3 years, 3 months ago
Hey sweetheart, where's the humility in this? If it was humble, you would have kept the info to yourself and not broadcast it to everyone. Now no one said you have to be humble though. The fact that you help this lady out is great, but it's not really humility throwing it out for all to see. Just pointing out the choice in words.
kdbp1213 3 years, 3 months ago
i noticed allgood's major, professional writing. immediately, i wondered if in this column, was allgood trying to be a professional writer such as novelist, creating fiction? does our dentally-challenged smoker really exist? is the dentally-challenged smoker a figment of allgood's imagination? when i was reading allgood's column & just as i do when i read a piece of fiction, i was picturing allgood's events in my head. it was almost like my clothes smelled of smoke......... allgood probably has a promising career in writing ahead of her..............