I’m not really sure what a bicycle is.
A lot of times, there are bikes on the road, as though its simple open-air metal frame offers enough protection to the rider from passing cars, trucks and eighteen wheelers. Other times, bikes are ridden on sidewalks , effectively tricking non-bikers into thinking they are safe.
This is why bicycles scare the hell out of me. It is also why bikes should be publicly banned.
A bicycle is a fusion between a human and a motor vehicle. If you attach a motor to a bicycle, it becomes a motorcycle. A motorcycle is suitable for the road. Without a motor, a bike cannot keep up; it is useless on roads used by gasoline-powered vehicles. However, if you take the wheels off of a bike in an effort to make it safe for pedestrian-inhabited areas, it becomes a bike frame, which you will have to carry. At this point, your bicycle has become an inconvenience. A bicycle has no proper habitat outside of a racing course or riding trail; therefore, it should not be allowed in public.
It makes sense: a vehicle used in professional racing (stock cars, Indy cars, etc.) is not allowed on the roads. This is because it is a hybrid of a vehicle used for daily transportation and a fighter jet – because this vehicle cannot fly, it is not suitable for aerial use; because it can travel as speeds in excess of 200 miles an hour, it is not safe for public use. The only sensible place for a vehicle like this is on a racetrack.
Admittedly, bikes are good ecologically (and also economically, I suppose), but it doesn’t really matter, so long as the bicycle situation is viewed realistically: There simply will not be enough people who stop driving their cars or trucks in order to ride bicycles to make any real difference. I’m sure there are people who would disagree with this statement. They might also quote figures and statistics about the decrease in the amount of harmful emissions released into the atmosphere.
But it’s not about stats, it’s about gut feeling: I just can’t see the environment getting that much better because of bikes alone. Bikes also provide exercise to our increasingly obese nation, but I don’t need to lose any weight (so that argument is obviously moot).
Adam Kohut is a professional writing senior.
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saxman 3 years, 1 month ago
This sounds like it was written with a deadline in mind at 4 AM.
mouse 3 years, 1 month ago
That was humor? .....
kcreasey 3 years, 1 month ago
From the words of Stephen Colbert (the character): "But doesn't taking Saddam out feel like the right thing? Right here in the gut? Because that's where the truth comes from, ladies & gentlemen, from the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your stomach than in your head?". This is also where the term "truthiness" as a satirical term comes from. This article is full of truthiness.
ARCHitect 3 years, 1 month ago
This is probably the dumbest thing I have ever read in the Daily, and that's saying something.
OUguy 3 years, 1 month ago
Nice 'Flight of the Conchords' reference there sarawithnoh. I like it.
jfreezy 3 years, 1 month ago
wow... I'm glad my time got wasted on what seems like a caffeine induced fool-rant. Is there any real opinion here, or is this an attempt at humor? Fail in either circumstance.
mouse 3 years, 1 month ago
I agree with the comment that this article, if you can call it one (I prefer to use drunken rant because the author makes no sense as to where he is going with this argument), seems like it was written at the last minute before a deadline. Or maybe it was something to just take up space. I think if the latter were the case, why didn't the Daily just put a blank space for those in-class artists? This would have two benefits: 1) saves ink for the Daily, and 2) saves notebook paper for the artists.
sarawithnoh 3 years, 1 month ago
My God, people, it's a JOKE. It's a column, not an article. It's humor, not news. If you're looking for some kind of intellectually stimulating argument, you're reading the wrong piece. (You're reading the wrong paper.)
If you resent the fact that your oh so PRECIOUS time was wasted reading this piece, why are you then taking the time to insult it and its author? What are you hoping to accomplish? What exactly did you think was going to happen? Be more constructive with your feedback!