First dates are experiments in awkwardness.
Two acquaintances volunteer to be placed in an environment meant to showcase their best qualities. Meanwhile, the only things running through their heads are their deepest insecurities.
Girls are under the impression that guys are stress-free about the event. Guys are under the impression that girls will make a way bigger deal about it than it is. Neither is entirely true.
Guys do prepare for dates.
Normally, our cars are second only to our dirty clothes hamper in the realm of aroma pleasantry. Thankfully, this changes if we take the plunge and ask girls out.
We go to the car wash. Some splurge and get the $8 wash versus the normal $5 scrub. Then, we buy something that smells good, but not girly. “New Car Smell” is fine; “Lavender Paradise” is not.
Our goal is to achieve a refreshing but masculine auto environment.
After the carriage is clean, we turn our focus to improving our own appearances.
Some guys go the extra mile and shave. The unfortunate few go the extra, extra mile and shower. Much wisdom goes into picking an outfit that conveys our personality, is appropriate for the occasion and is, above all, comfortable.
The date will be uncomfortable enough. No reason to add to it.
Restaurant selection is the next obstacle.
Price is an issue, girls. Most guys aren’t naturally cheap. But going big on the first date sets the bar at a financial level we may not be able to maintain.
Proximity to the girl’s house is another consideration. Bricktown does have better restaurant choices than Norman, but an hour of conversation round-trip may be too much.
However, if one plays it safe and chooses Campus Corner, they run the risk of running into a person (or persons) who can kill the mood faster than Bill Clinton can fall in love.
Post-date plans cause more headaches than picking a dining establishment.
A movie is the standard play. The genre of movie can send a strong message to the girl. The Notebook, for example, raises the bar to a level we aren’t willing to commit to yet. But Snakes On a Plane commits us to likely never seeing the girl again.
Preparation is the easy part. Going on the date is when the “fun” begins.
As guys knock on the door, a million thoughts run through their heads.
Do I like her? Do I think I could like her? Do I think she could like me? Goodnight kiss?
Next, guys open the car door for girls, praying the fragrance they bought is noticeable but not too noticeable. No need for a girl to know the amount of effort exerted for this shindig.
The girl then starts the conversation.
“So, how have you been?”
Translation: I am not terribly interested because I know what the answer will be, but I’m being polite.
“Great! You?”
The guy’s inner monologue: Girls lie, stay positive then ask the obligatory same question.
“Great!”
Translation: I am actually nervous because I am uncomfortable but I think I kind of like you which makes me even more uncomfortable because you have only said two words.
There are other dating codes that need to be deciphered.
“What are you thinking?” is a legitimate question.
“Nothing” is not an acceptable answer unless it is the seventh time the question has been asked. The goal in asking the question is actually to discover if you are having a good time. Silence, on dates, can point to failure. Answer honestly, as long as the answer is that you’re having a great time.
Small talk tends to dominate the conversation until the restaurant. At the restaurant, the conversation shifts to ordering.
The guy questions about the girl ordering only a salad. They guy asks if she’s sure that’s all she wants.
The guy asks the confirming question while calculating the money he saved by the girl not ordering a meat dish.
The next question: To drink or not to drink?
Write out a pro and con list, guys, in your pre-date warm-up.
Pro: I am funnier, and I loosen up. Con: I think I am funnier, and I may loosen up too much.
Gentlemen should initially skip the whiskey and settle for something less potent. Wine and beer are acceptable substitutes.
Likely, the girl will cue the guy. There is one rule: If she orders whiskey on the rocks, the guy should drop to one knee and propose.
The remainder of the date after the ordering should go pleasantly. Guys, you don’t have to convince the girl you are immediate marriage material, just that you’re qualified for another date.
The post-date drop-off is the final step in awkwardness. This determines whether the date ends well or ends badly.
In talking with guys and girls, the same complaint arises. Each is incredibly frustrated that neither party is direct. What is said isn’t meant, and what is meant isn’t said.
No one knows where they stand. Nor, really, should they after a first date. But both sexes would be in favor of some conclusive evidence indicating what is coming next.
Ironically, people are afraid of being direct because they believe it will scare the other person off, but it is this indirectness that creates the discomfort and insecurity.
First dates are best when both parties are direct, open and enjoy themselves.
Matt Felty is a public administration senior. His column appears every other Thursday.
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say_car_ram_rod 3 years, 8 months ago
i'll order whiskey on the rocks felty baby...
fustigate 3 years, 8 months ago
Mr. Felty: this was informatively funny. "still_somewhere:" I think part of it is perceived social expectations.
still_somewhere 3 years, 8 months ago
I find it interesting that guys still do all this--wouldn't it be easier to just aim to have fun? Go somewhere you both enjoy, dress comfortably, relax, and see whether you like each other? It seems like people put so much unnecessary effort into dating; why would you try to make something work? If you don't like each other, there's no reason to try and force it. On another note, why would a guy be thinking about the money he's saved by her not ordering a meat dish? Why is she not paying for her own food? If women want equal rights (and we do, right?), why are so many failing to step up and volunteer equal responsibility?