Hello,

My name is Eric Staib, and I’m contacting you about a personal bailout for me.

You see, I have racked up quite a burden in hospital bills this year.

It all started when I fell out of a tree.

I got into a habit of getting drunk and climbing the trees on the University of Oklahoma’s campus.

This was fine the first few times, even though I knew it was a bit risky.

But things fell apart.

By things, I mean my left femur because two weeks ago I landed on the concrete sidewalk.

The pain wasn’t that bad, so I didn’t think a visit to the hospital was necessary.

I decided to set the bone myself with one of those miniature baseball bats and a few belts because I figured I could save hundreds of dollars that way.

But then the bat fell out of the splint, and I tripped on it and stumbled down the stairs outside of my apartment, shattering my right ankle and breaking three toes in that foot.

I knew I couldn’t walk with a broken leg, a sprained ankle, AND three broken toes, so I finally decided I should go to the hospital.

When I got there, though, the doctor said my homemade splint had made the thigh fracture in my left leg worse, so they’d have to cut into my leg, reset the bone, and put me in a full-leg cast for six months.

My right ankle has to have a few bone spurs removed and then be completely reconstructed, so I won’t be able to use that foot either and will probably have to use a wheelchair for the rest of my sophomore year, after which I’ll enter a month of rehab so I can walk straight.

This entire endeavor has become quite expensive for me.

I am afraid that my hospital bills are going to be way more than $45,000, and since I chose not to go to the hospital right away, my family’s health insurance isn’t going to cover my bills.

I only have $500 saved up in my emergency fund and simply don’t have the money to pay for all of this.

I’m hoping the treasury can help me out with a capital infusion of about $44,500 in liquidity to get me through.

If you’re worried that I might just be trying to get off the hook for my mistakes, think about the consequences of my failure to pay the hospital.

The hospital will include my $45,000 bill into their accounting and calculate payments in anticipation of that incoming stream. But I only have the money to pay for $500 of that stream.

It’s likely the hospital will consider cutting cafeteria workers’ pay or janitors’ hours to compensate for the loss of $45,000.

That will have an effect on the already-struggling economy.

Those affected workers are likely to cut back on the amount they can save each month.

When they do cut back, it will mean banks will have less credit to loan out, and therefore certain investment projects will be made unaffordable.

The lack of those projects will stifle economic growth for years to come with effects throughout the country, sending us into a recession.

As you can see, bailing me out of my hospital bills is in the best interests of the local and even national economy, though I am certainly the vessel through which the credit initially flows.

I am hoping you are sympathetic to my plight.

But more importantly, I’m hoping you are sympathetic to the plight of those poor cafeteria workers who will have no money to save and those businesses that won’t be able to invest, destroying the national economy for decades to come.

Thank you,

Eric Staib