In my opinion, and all of yours, I’m sure, dead week and finals week are boring. They’re all study, no play. It’s enough to drive every one of us mad. I propose the following activities instead of trying to memorize the periodic table (does anyone still do that?) or attempting to distinguish between the Gawain of the Green Knight and Gawain of Chrétien de Troyes. So here you go. Have some fun during finals week.
1. Buy real winter clothes.
To all you sorority girls wearing shorts in December, go buy yourself a pair of jeans, please. Ugg boots do not counteract the effects of a 20-degree wind chill hitting your bare legs, and you look ridiculous. So stop studying geology or communication and go take a retail study break for me. Also, I will host a seminar next week demonstrating that leggings are not pants.
2. Become your own Mythbuster by licking all the frozen surfaces you see.
That’s right. Get your tongue stuck to something – preferably not my car. I’m talking about a light pole, door handle (extra points if it’s on the cafeteria doors during lunch hours), truck cab, drying cement or whatever you can find. This holiday tradition, a la Ralphie’s friend Flick, is sure to brighten any dead week.
3. Box a tree
Figure this out yourself. A friend suggested it, and I have no idea what it means. Still sounds better than studying.
4. Start a conspiracy theory.
No repeats allowed. Recent Internet searches have informed me that the CIA invented HIV, that Bob Hope and Queen Elizabeth were (are) sibling members of the Anunnaki reptilian class and that the Nazis had a moon base, although man never set foot on the moon. I may have mixed my theories. In any case, there are not enough crazies in the world to feed America’s ever-growing need for the sickeningly absurd. So please, stop studying and help America.
5. Ride a bike backwards.
Challenge your more daring, or stupid, friends to a bike race down the South Oval. Up the ante by riding with your back forward and your face back. The clumsier among you should have paramedics on the sidelines. Negative points if you hit a pedestrian. Two thousand extra points if you hit a squirrel.
6. Carol to the homeless.
No need to be part of an official (or good) chorus group to spread holiday cheer. Grab a coat and some friends and sing to whomever you find on the street. No need for the audience to be homeless, either. Sing to every college bum studying outside on the benches during the dead of winter, every child making an iceman and every parking ticket distributer spreading their own version of a holiday greeting. If you make one of their days, you just may save someone a ticket.
7. Grab a shovel and study the dead.
Please don’t. This is grave robbing and it’s a little bit less than legal. If the dead you study are those demonic campus squirrels though, by all means, continue. Collect specimens from the bikers.
8. Decorate your apartment with ramen.
Here’s how this works (I know people who swore by it for apartment décor): Spend 10 cents on a bag of dry ramen. Cook it so it’s wet and soft. Stick it to something. Let it dry. Shout “voila!” at neighbor-startling volumes. This little decorating trick is particularly effective draped over slatted window shades. Throw in some food coloring for holiday flair. Just don’t eat it when it falls off the wall and onto the carpet that you know hasn’t been vacuumed since your mom moved you in. Fair warning: I don’t know if this is RA citation proof.
9. Mess with you friends’ alarm clocks.
Set alarms for every hour, on the hour, or for ungodly hours of the morning. Or set them with the most obnoxious songs known to man. But proceed carefully. This can backfire and leave you and your roommate both awake at 5 a.m. by the sultry sounds of Alvin and the Chipmunks.
10. Finally, help yourself get lucky.
If you need to brighten your own week, convert the horse/carrot contraption to your advantage. Hang mistletoe above your own head and wander campus. Twenty dollars say none of you try this. Prove me wrong.
Ready, set, go. Happy not studying!
Sarah Dorn is an English junior. Her column usually appeared every other Monday.
The Oklahoma Daily is pleased to provide you the opportunity to share your thoughts about this article. We encourage lively debate on the issues of the day, but we ask you refrain from using profanity or other offensive speech, engaging in personal attacks or name-calling, posting advertising, or straying from the topic at hand. To comment, you must be a registered user of OUDaily.com. Thanks for taking the time to offer your thoughts.
You must be logged in to leave a comment. Log in | Register
JWade 3 years, 5 months ago
"7. Grab a shovel and study the dead. Please don't. This is grave robbing..."
You are a little slice of terrific, aren't you?
itssunshine 3 years, 5 months ago
hahah i love it. i want to help with that seminar by the way!
saxman 3 years, 5 months ago
Love it!