It has recently been brought to my attention that some of the OU students are blaming our first round loss in the NCAA tournament to the absence of the beloved mascot Top Daug.

Two of those are my friend, Blake, and I.

I, for one, like to blame all my problems on Boomer and Sooner.

I also blame them for the loss of Pittsburgh, one of my final four picks. Bradley? seriously? You really dropped the ball on that one, Sooner.

And Boomer, when I lost my keys the other day, thanks for doing absolutely nothing to help me find them.

The feeling I get from the student body is that no one likes the new mascots. They're not helping anyone find their keys.

Those that do like them probably won't admit to it. They've been ridiculed too much by people like me.

But I read in an earlier article in The Daily that the mascot officials are not opposed to changing them. I say, change on.

The necessity for new mascots is threefold.

First, Boomer and Sooner are too cartoony. The thing with the ponies, the real Boomer and Sooner, is that they strike fear right into the heart of our opponents. The mascots need to reflect that.

Their heads don't even look like horses. Their heads look like dogs. Some hideously deformed dog that has giant nostrils.

A horse head is long, not smooshed in. Take a look at "The Godfather" for reference.

So, change No. 1: Lengthen the head. Not all the way; it doesn't have to look realistic, but it should somewhat evoke the thought of a horse.

Change No. 2: Fire should shoot from the horses' nostrils in some "Sleepy Hollow" fashion.

Can you imagine the first-ever mascots with pyrotechnics? If that wouldn't get on "Pardon the Interruption," there is something seriously wrong with this world.

That's really it for me. After those changes, I think they would be perfect.

Back to the necessity of change.

Second necessity: The mascots as they currently appear, have no chance of rising to mascot fame. I'm always seeing commercials with mascots in them.

The latest ad uses mascots to tell us not to drink and drive.

Boomer and Sooner, in their current state, could never do a public service announcement.

But the real goal in the mascot world is the big game. I'm talking about the Super Bowl of mascots: The Capital One Bowl Mascot Challenge.

We've never even been able to enter -- let alone win -- and it breaks my heart.

I see that cocky Syracuse Orange, the Virginia Tech Hokie, and Herbie Husker year after year. What the heck is Herbie Husker anyway? It's a man-mascot, a mascot of a man with a hat on.

Why don't they just have an actual man put a hat on? Is that better than what we have to offer? As it stands now, the answer is sadly yes.

Third, the mascots are a good idea. I like the mascots. They have the power to pump up our fans, but not as a joke.

Do you know what people say? They say they have mullets. Let's not be the team with the mascots that have mullets.

We can do better than that. I wasn't really a fan of Top Daug, I'm glad we have new mascots, but I can only hope that we will have new mascots again next year.

I say we keep having new mascots every year until we win the national championship again, and then we should keep those mascots and never wash them. That's how sports superstitions work the best.

Whoever does have the power to change Boomer and Sooner, I implore you to use your power to please the student body.

It won't be easy, because people like me will always find something to complain about, but that's burden you have to bear for the good of all the Sooners.

-- Garrett Baker is a film and video studies sophomore. His column appears every other Wednesday, and he can be reached at opinion@oudaily.com.
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