Yesterday President Bush announced a new move to push for the legalization of methamphetamines to fight the war on terrorism.



Bush spokesmen said the President is adamant about this new bill. President Bush has been trying to legalize cocaine and heroin since he was a governor, but he changed his mind when he realized that most of the good drugs came from foreign countries, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said.



We will fight the evil doers on every front if we pass this bill, President Bush said. I love cocaine, but making meth is cheaper and better for the environment. We must stop buying from foreign nations and encourage our lowest common denominator to make meth safely in their homes. Hell, it may even help our economy.



The bill has been met with mixed results from the press, but early polls show that President Bush has rallied support in the Midwest. In Oklahoma, where meth labs are a dime a dozen, parades were held in the small town of Shawnee. Yee haaww, said Ernie Eakley. I, I, I, can make my meth and those cops wont come and and and gggggggget me.



President Bush has decided that winning an election in 2004 wont be possible unless he connects with Americas youth, Vice President Dick Cheney said. I only took a job within the administration that I like to call Titanic because I heard it was a great way to meet women.



Democrats and Republicans in Congress have been against this bill, but they promise to stick behind the administration if it helps fight terrorists. All 210 Democratic presidential hopefuls brought up the bill at recent debates in Iowa, but nobody heard them. Presidential hopeful Howard Dean said in a press conference that he isnt surprised about the bill and also said that he is promising $40 to each person who votes for him in the upcoming primary.

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