"Yeah, my name is Nathan Anderson, I'm here to fill out an application."

"We have a water boy."

"No, for quarterback."

"We aren't taking applications for quarterback."

"Just lemme fill one out, you can keep it on file."

"You can't fill out an application to be OU's quarterback."

"I have references."

"NCAA Football 2002 is not a reference."

"It's a football game."

"It's a Playstation game."

"Actually, it's a Playstation 2 game. C'mon, I have my own helmet."

"That's a hard hat."

"Yeah, I stole it from the construction yard outside."

"That's theft."

"Stealing, like in baseball? See, I can do both. Bo knows, man."

"This isn't baseball."

"You're not baseball."

"Now you're just being childish."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are not."

"Are... I'm calling security."

"Lemme play eighthback."

"We don't have an eighthback."

"Then you have an opening?"

"There's no such thing as an eighthback."

"Sure there is, it's one half of a quarterback. You let that guy play, and he doesn't even have a face."

"That's a goal post."

"I can do that."

"We have a goal post."

"I've got my own pepper spray. Plus I'm squeezably soft."

"Look, I don't know how you got in here, why you're covered in Country Crock or where your pants are, but I'm going to call the police if you don't stop bothering me."

"Fine, I'll settle for coach."

"We have a coach, you might have heard of him."

"I might have heard of a lot of things, for the right price."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Batman."

"No you're not."

"Fine, Batboy then. I can be your bat boy."

"We don't have any bats."

"I understand, you've never had a bat boy to take care of them for you. It's OK though, 'cause I've seen Batman a thousand times."

"That doesn't matter."

"Me and Batman are gonna get married and I'm gonna have like, a million of his babies."

"Look, your feelings for the Dark Knight are none of my business. The fact is, you don't have any experience."

"I've eaten at Barry's Chicken Ranch."

"Doesn't count."

"I tipped well."

"Why haven't the police showed up?"

"I'm not violating any noise ordinances. What kind of experience are you looking for? I've defeated Kefka, and Sephiroth, Liquid Snake and Diablo."

"I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Diablo, he's the lord of terror, not to be confused with Baal, the lord of Destruction. I've also defeated the lord of the flies and the lord of the dance."

"The Lord of the Flies is a book. How did you defeat a book."

"I've seen 'Stone Cold.' I like it when the bald guy says 'I ain't got time to bleed.' It's so cool."

"That's not even the same movie. Not many people in the world will even admit to having seen 'Stone Cold,' but you're the only person I've seen who's willing to lie about it."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Not exactly."

"Look, I'll level with you here. I haven't exactly been completely honest with you. I'm actually a secret agent working for the Soviet Union. I need to go undercover to investigate a potential conspiracy that sabotaged our chances to send Lance Bass into space."

"I don't think we had anything to do with that."

"Lance Bass will never go into space. That's on you're conscience, comrade."

"Ahh, you're finally here. Yes, that's him officer."

"Stand back, I have rabies!"

"Put the shaving cream down. You're coming with us."

"You can't arrest me, I'm incredibly popular."

...

...

...

"C'mon, lemme be a cop."
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