Scientists Create new species




     Biochemists in a laboratory in Abu Dhabi have successfully created the first mammoth horse-cow. The idea came from the need to develop more efficient livestock.     The mammoth horse-cow cannot only produce 18 tons of meat, but stands a very good chance of winning the Triple Crown in horse racing. This thing can out accelerate a Ferrari! stated bio-scientist Rumple Awhile. We hope to grow thousands of these beasts, and help end famine around the world, he continued. The dimensions of the mammoth horse-cow are: 30 feet long, 17 feet wide, 20 feet tall, and it weighs 25 tons.     Rumple Awhile works for the research firm Dubbly Stacks DDs (news, quote) that specializes in genetic engineered life forms. The company plans to make the available animals free of charge, and says they will only make a profit from horse racing, where the mammoth horse-cow is seen as the underdog.     When asked how they did it, the company was ambiguous. We poured the green coloured stuff into the purple goo and stuck it into the oven at 325 for about 50 to 60 minutes is all they said. The funny thing is that there are no ovens in the companys facility at Abu Dhabi. As for the remote location: Hey the oils cheap! they said.     This is truly one mans greatest accomplishments, stated US grand puppet master, Dick Cheney. I would have to agree.







Scientists cross a dog with a cat




     The British firm, GenStar, has announced that it is the first company to cross a cat with a dog. We really didnt do it for any reason other than just for the heck of it, said chief scientist Sister Martha.     With all of the cloning and genetic engineering going on during the past few days, we thought it would be so cool if we crossed a dog and a cat. Everyone in the lab said lets go for it! And so we did she continued.     There were a few obstacles at first. The company did not have access to any stocks of the dog or cat genome since the firm Celera held the only stocks. When Sister Martha approached Celera about utilizing their stocks, she learned that Celera wanted everyones souls, so she would have had to become their minion and do their mischievous dirty work in Britain. She said no.     I told them to stick their stocks up their ****n ***es she said. Not to be stopped on her quest, Sister Martha went to the local animal shelter and stole fifteen dogs and thirty-one cats. They used the cute critters, and whazam we now have a new species.     The thing I love about these little guys, is that they are worse than rabbits and can reproduce with both cats and dogs Martha explained.     There have been nay sayers though. PETA has filed for an official injunction to shut down the GenStar lab indefinitely. We cant have such despicable behavior. This is not Arkansas where inter species relations are the norm. No sir. We have standards. Plus, theyre ugly. We cant have anything this ugly having relations with my cat stated Ima Doophus, the director of PETA Britain.     Where will this lead? What will come next? Who knows, but let us just state that the future looks bright. Now where did I put those sunglasses?







IRS admits to being spawns of Satan




     Early this week a representative of the Internal Revenue Service announced that the rumors were all true. The IRS is not really a government organization, but the spawn of Satan as part of his evil plan to conquer and pervert humanity.     Satan could not be reached for comment, but his secretary told us Satan has a very demanding schedule, and with April 15th nearby he is going to be tied up for a few weeks. If you would like, I could send you a list of our lesser spawns.     Well on the top of the list, we found Enron, Global Crossing, and Arthur Andersen. It has been rumored that these companies were spawns, but it could never be proven, until now.     The FBI is looking into forcing the IRS to cease all operations, but Attorney General Ashcroft announced that he didnt understand why the spawns were detrimental.     We should just sit back and let them be. What's wrong with them anyway? They just have a job to do, thats all, said Ashcroft when questioned. More information will be printed as soon as it is released.



What do you Think About SIN Slant News?

hello there & you too