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Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Respect is most important factor in sexual relationships
by   |  April 30, 2001  |  

Sex seems to come naturally with spring. I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's the birds singing and the bees buzzing in and out of flowers. Or the cats howling tirelessly into the night, reminding us that they are not satisfied. Animals probably have nothing to do with it. The real reason sex is occupying students now more than ever is with warm weather comes the exposure of more skin, naturally reminding us of being naked.

I am not the only one who recognizes the coincidence. Several activities on campus last week addressed the issue of sex. A booth in the union prompted us to practice safe sex during STD awareness week And a sexologist came to speak to a couple hundred curious kids and answer their questions (Try telling your parents you are studying sexology in college!).

They recognize that the sunnier season brings more sexual activity. I couldn't admit to any personal experience on this topic (my mom is reading) but I did feel I should at least attempt to address it.

Deciding to give someone your most intimate and precious gift is a tough one, and there are many possible criteria.

There is however, a one million dollar question: Does this person respect me? The answer to this one should always directly coincide with the answer to whether you should do it.

Often, it is hard to determine if a person really respects you when you are slobbering drunk or if you just met this person (especially both!).

Neither of these situations is recommended. Respect takes time, and effort, but the rewards are more pleasurable than any amount of lust or attraction.

If your prospective partner does display this important virtue towards you, they will protect themselves. Many excuses are out there for not using our little rubber friends, but I urge you not to give into them. These are manipulative tactics used by people who do not deserve your gift.

Disrespect can be shown in other ways as well. I have a close friend and I never feel comfortable at her house because her slimy boyfriend is constantly yelling at her, telling her she's worthless and addressing her with certain four and five letter words. I express to her my concern, and she swears to me it's no big deal. It is a big deal, and no one deserves this kind of abuse. Respect isn't automatic, it must be demanded.

An ex-boyfriend of mine called me the b-word once in a drunken fit of anger. I struggled with forgiveness, because I told myself that as long as I knew I wasn't that word, it was OK. But I couldn't justify him, and we ended things shortly afterward. These people are like the farm dogs that get into the chicken coup; if they do it once, they'll do it again, and you have to get rid of them.

After you can answer yes to the big question, you are ready for love. But in reality, sex and love tend to blur together into a big jumbled pot of emotion. Together they can be a beautiful mind-blowing experience, but they can also both exist singly. Stay honest with yourself, and you are less likely to be hurt.

Should I be preaching abstinence? I really don't think it would get through to all the sex-crazed college kids out there.

Is it our fault sex is on the brain more often than school? It is our strongest human instinct, the one responsible for our survival. Media images reinforce the importance and profitability of sex constantly.

Each person is ultimately responsible for themselves, but we are not totally to blame, and shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to express ourselves in a sexual way. Exercise caution and demand respect for best results.


Jenni Greff is a journalism sophomore. Her column appears every Tuesday.
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