The things they show on ESPN these days are just scary.

For example, this summer I was flipping through the almost 70 cable channels I get, and ESPN was showing a program that has no place on a network dedicated to sports -- the national Putt-Putt championships.

This got me thinking about what we define as a sport in modern society, and I came to a conclusion -- just about anything can be called a sport. It's almost disgusting how much we let fall under the umbrella of sports.

With that in mind, I've decided to make a list of things that are called sports that really aren't. But before we get started, let's define a few criteria for legitimate sports.

First, all sports must be competitive. That's a no-brainer.

Second, they must require a decent degree of athletic prowess.

Third, they must require the participants to be in good physical condition.

Fourth, they cannot rely on means outside of the participants (athletes, referees), natural phenomenon (wind, rain, earthquakes) or acceptable instruments (rackets, balls, high-priced athletic shoes) to determine the winner.

Fifth, they cannot purposely brutalize competitors or other living creatures.

Now let's see how these criteria apply to a few examples:

1. Bowling -- Sure, there's a bowling class offered under the health and sports sciences department. There's a human sexuality class, too, but you don't see people calling sex a sport, at least not many people.

Bowling doesn't fit the third criteria. Bowlers definitely do not need to be in good condition. I am confident if most bowlers were asked to run a mile, they would laugh at the request and order another beer.

2. Auto racing -- Making this statement in Oklahoma is dangerous, but it's true. Auto racing isn't about the athlete; it's about the car. Cars violate the fourth criteria. The winner should be determined by the people taking part, not how well Jimmy the mechanic tuned the engine. Anyway, anything that encourages redneck culture to the degree auto racing does shouldn't be a sport.

3. Horse racing -- This isn't a sport for the same reason auto racing isn't. It has nothing to do with the jockey and everything to do with the horse. Besides, it's hard to call something a sport when it involves tiny men in tight pants whipping something.

4. Rodeo -- This one will cause me trouble in this state, too, but rodeo is just not a sport. Almost every rodeo event is animal abuse. Look at it this way, would you want someone to ride up behind you, throw a rope around your neck, drag you to the ground and tie your appendages together?

Remember next time you turn on the television to watch a good athletic contest, not everything shown on ESPN is a sport. Nowadays, most of it isn't.

James Royal is sports editor for The Oklahoma Daily. He can be reached at james@daily.ou.edu.
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