For many incoming freshmen, the first few weeks of college can be a rough transition from mom and dad’s bosom to the harsh, cruel, soul-crushing, almost-adult world of higher education. When we were freshmen, we didn’t know what do with ourselves, so in the spirit of helping out our younger friends, The Covered Wagon humbly offers these tips to help all you new Sooners adjust to the next chapter in your life:
1. Don’t walk in the bike lanes
The first week of every school year, when the South Oval sidewalk is at it’s most-crowded, there will inevitably be freshmen walking along the bike lane. It’s terribly embarrassing and probably the biggest red flag that you’re new here. Before you leave your dorm on the first day— trying simultaneously to contain your excitement/nervousness and not forget your schedule—just take a moment to remember to look down where you’re walking. If you see a painted-off lane or a bike symbol, don’t walk there. It’ll save you from getting funny looks from the upperclassmen and possibly getting run over.
2. If you’re late to class, have a good reason—
Hey, no one is perfect, we’ve all had days when we missed the alarm clock and slept in—but you’re in college now and the ‘ol “I was up all night studying” excuse just isn’t going to cut it. Here’s a helpful list of valid reasons to be late to class: Having to speak with another professor/RA, having car trouble, having a doctors appointment, talking to your mom on the phone, getting Starbucks—etc.
3. Relate to your new peers through talking about high school—
One thing that college students do unilaterally is constantly talk about our high school years. Does your roommate remind you of a friend from your hometown? Let them know! Professor mention something that one of your high school teachers talked a lot about? Raise your hand and tell them! We hope you brought your high school letterman’s jacket from home, because if you didn’t, you sure are going to feel alone at all the big college parties!
4. Hang out at Suger's —
It’s somewhat of an inside thing in Norman that all the college kids hang out at Suger’s on Campus Corner. This swanky bar and grill has been the long-reigning hippest place for Sooners to relax after a long week of hitting the books. The most affordable menu item is the world-famous battered chicken breasts, and don’t forget the nightly specials ranging from delicious steamed clam pie to prime roast beef tacos—people come from all across the state to hang out at Suger’s. The best part? You don’t even need an ID to get in. Tell ‘em The Covered Wagon sent yah!
5. Condoms are for squares —
The first thing you’re going to learn in health class is that STD’s don’t exist. You wouldn’t believe how many naïve freshmen still buy into the myth of “safe sex.” Fumbling for a little plastic square during a hot make-out sesh is the quickest way to cock block yourself in college. You’re not a kid anymore, so quit being a geek and pull out. Bitch.
Remember these tips and you'll have a top-notch first year at the University of Oklahoma! We think it goes without saying that the number one way to have a fulfilling college experience is to just relax, have fun, and not be yourself. No, being yourself would be a grave mistake. See the cool guy over there? Try and be him.